Am I Being Selfish?
One of the hardest questions I have ever asked myself was, “Am I being selfish?” As a woman in her late 40’s, I began to wake up feeling exhausted, sad, angry, grateful, and lost. Wait….how can you put the word grateful in with all of those negative words? I have been blessed beyond measure in so many ways and I have always acknowledged that. I just felt like something was missing within myself. I thought about that missing piece for weeks and began to write down thoughts, words, and events that triggered these negative emotions and feelings. After a careful review of my journal, I began to put the pieces together. I was a mother, wife, nurse, daughter, daughter in law, friend, volunteer, and had various other roles, just as most women have. The craziest thing was I would not trade any of those roles for anything in the world. I was good at serving others but not good at serving myself. The question then became, how can I serve myself and others at the same time? I did what do most people do when you are on the quest to find an answer. You turn to the internet. I began to read blogs, articles, searched for quotes, and listened to podcasts. During my research, a book by the name of “Girl Wash Your Face” author, Rachel Hollis kept resurfacing. I headed down to my local library and checked the book out to begin reading. From the first chapter, I knew that the book was going to be powerful. As I was reading the book, I began to listen to Rachel Hollis’s podcast, Rise. I was hooked. To this day I am an avid fan. She is known for opening most EVERY PART of her life with others. She talks about the lies that we tell ourselves. All her content is so relatable, and she gives you actionable steps to change your life. Some of my favorite Rachel Hollis quotes are:
“Hope is not a strategy.”
“This amazing thing happens when you start to grow in one area of your life: Other areas improve right along with it.”
“Believe in your dang self.”
“If your unhappy, that’s on you.”
“Nobody gets to tell you how big your dreams can be.”
“Never break a promise to yourself.”
“Not having the knowledge just makes you teachable, not stupid.”
“Stop crying about what happened and take control of what happens next. Get up, right now, rise up from where you’ve been, scrub the tears and the pain of yesterday, and start again….Girl, wash your face!”
Wow! Powerful, right…? I have always heard that if an airplane has an emergency that you put the oxygen on yourself first. That is so true in life. How can you fill up other people’s cups when your cup is empty? At first, this all seemed so foreign to me. I began doing small things like, not feeling guilty for taking 15 minutes a day doing what I wanted to do. I began walking for 30 minutes three times a week while listening to podcasts. I bought an Ipad and learned how to draw. I took a hand lettering class. I began a business that was important to me. Has it all been easy? No, but I look back at the woman I was several years ago and feel sorry for her. Rachel Hollis says it best,
“You’re not in control of what life throws at you, you are in control of the fight.”
Am I selfish? No! By taking care of myself I have so much more to give to others. God wants the best of me. How can I be the best for his kingdom if I felt empty?
Daily reminders of the desires for our lives is especially important. Some call these ideas mantras, self-love, affirmations, self-respect sayings, and many other names. In a previous blog, I talked about how words are powerful. I like to use powerful words therefore I like to think of these as self-empowerment statements. I have literally taped these statements in my closet so that I see them every day, put reminders in my phone to alert me to them several times a day, wrote them out on my letterbox, and have repeated them to myself throughout the day. I wanted to create a way to see these statements that I could wear every day. If I was going to wear it every day it had to be comfortable, have neutral colors, and have the words that I needed for the day right in front of me. I sat down at my sewing machine and began to play around with different fabric, colors, thickness, width, and durability for a new bracelet line. When I was happy with the sewing template next, I had to narrow down the words that I needed to be reminded of daily. My top 5 were:
Live Your Story
Know Your Why
You Are Enough
Embrace Where You Are
I am extremely excited about my new affordable line of bracelets. I hope that you will purchase one. If these words do not resonate with you, I do take custom orders. Thank you, Rachel Hollis, for opening my eyes to the idea that I could change my life. It did not need a major overhaul but just a tune-up. No…I am not selfish. I am finally whole, ready to be the best version of myself. I am now finally ready for God to use me in powerful ways!